Manipulation is always about pressure, when they want to exert a certain influence on you with words, most often to cause guilt, thereby making you do what you don’t want to do. Let’s figure out how men are most often manipulated.
The main signs that you are being manipulated:
- You are afraid to openly express your thoughts, always thinking how a man may perceive your words.
- Feelings of guilt have become your loyal companion.
- The man can easily change your mind, your point of view changes depending on his position. For example, you enjoy looking for sports betting odds but someone else says it’s meaningless, you think that you should stop doing this.
- Even your best mood can change instantly when you are talking to him.
- Your partner punishes you by silence, by ignoring you if he doesn’t like something.
Let’s look at how the most common manipulations:
- You are accused of something that didn’t happen and that you did not do. Or he himself denies some of his words, actions, saying that they did not happen. This type of manipulation is called “gaslighting.” With such pressure over time you begin to doubt your own adequacy, you begin to be visited by the question: “Maybe I made it up for myself?”
- There are punishments in relationships. When you do something, say something that he does not like or want, he stops communicating with you, depriving you of intimacy, does not give money. There can be other variations.
- He says one thing, and does another. Or does nothing at all. His words do not match his actions, in a classical version, promises a lot, but “the things are still there.
- Constant transfer of responsibility. Often the presentation is as follows: “But if you were…, then I would…”. This may come up at any request. For example, you asked him to take out the trash, and in response receive a lecture about what a bad hostess. That is, you start a conversation on one topic, there is no agreement and the conversation goes in a completely different direction.
- Reminiscences from the past. This is one of his favorite things to do. You made up, all talked through, and he hints at every opportunity and not very much of your mistake, thereby forcing you to feel guilty.
- Threats. For example: “Just try to go to a corporate party, I’ll leave home,” “then you won’t see your kids again,” and other milder options.
- He never admits his guilt. Anybody is to blame: you, the boss, the government, but not him. This shows that the man is completely unable to take any responsibility.
- Criticism in your relationship is a common thing. You are beginning to wonder whether you are doing something wrong. After all, he will always find something to pick on. And the pies won’t be tasty enough, and the floor isn’t clean enough.
- You are compared to. And no matter who: with his ex, with his mother, his friend’s wife. Thus, the man shows and proves some of your incompetence and incompetence in various fields.
- You generally feel a lack of respect for yourself. This is the most important key.
Here are other common phrases common to male manipulators:
- “It’s your own fault, you provoked it.” They will explain to you that you brought it on yourself and that if it weren’t for you, it wouldn’t have happened.
- “You screwed it up yourself.” If you hadn’t done, pronounced, led…and many other things, it would have been different. Remember: it wouldn’t have been! Whoever wants to do it, does it, and nothing gets in his way.
- “Not trying hard enough.” You seem to have done everything flawlessly, and once again you don’t please. There is always some minor detail where something is wrong. The main thing to understand is that in this scheme it’s useless to put even more effort in the pursuit of perfection, when a person wants to pick on, he will always find something.
- “There is no other way with you.” The phrase is inherently derogatory. Saying them, a person excuses himself for any of his actions in relation to you, these phrases are very similar to “my fault. And already there is the question: “Why is he with you?”, since you are so … (insert as appropriate). These phrases are extremely dangerous and destructive. Over time, a person really starts to believe that he/she is to blame for this and that he/she doesn’t deserve any other attitude. You hear, you become alert, you clarify what the person meant, you draw conclusions. And if the case is neglected and for you these phrases have become habitual, go to therapy because it’s difficult to get out of it by yourself. Sometimes you literally have to put the person back together piece by piece, reattaching his shattered personality.
Recommendations That Can Help You
Most importantly, learn to hear yourself, your feelings. When you realize you are being manipulated, start by simply saying so and ask the person to interact with you openly and directly. Don’t use manipulation yourself, it doesn’t lead to anything good, so learn to speak your thoughts, feelings and desires openly, too.
Stop responding to manipulation. As long as you give your usual reaction to the person, it will continue. If you don’t react, the interaction will gradually begin to change.
Remember, it all starts with yourself. If this attitude towards you has arisen, it means you have allowed it somewhere. Learn to respect yourself, your point of view, your needs and desires, and recognize your right to them. Take care of yourself and don’t let yourself be ruled!